because things never work out

it didn't use to matter.

they got in. oh gods they got in. i should feel happy.

feelhappyfeelhappyfeelhappyfeelhappy

but i can't.

how does it feel like, knowing that you've been left behind, excluded, closed off, and you know why and you can't help the situation anymore by crying baby tears, but you want to, you need to, because you're frustrated and there's no one left to blame.

you're pointing fingers all around, but somehow it always comes back to point at you. your fault. your fault. yourfaultyourfaultyourfault

and you feel disappointment, regret and that spark of anger that blooms into tongues of fire that rage and rage and rage and you feel like killing something, burning something, so you don't feel too alone, or too frenetic.

and damn, do you feel lousy or what.

when you're in OM.