Inferiority Complex

Everywhere I turn,
just more walls
in my life,
in my mind.

Unreachable heights
treacherous falls
(don't tell me I'm good enough,
I'm notnotnotNOT)


In a chasm
where I can dream of being the best,
Stop that voice in my head,
(Not ever going to be good enough.)

Stay away, stay away,
(stop telling me the good)

keep away from the madness.
(It's the bad I want to hear)


All the little cuts
(inferior, not good enough, lousy)
to keep me grounded
no fantasies to enclose me.

The softness that fades away,
the comfort that's short-lasting
(Stay in reality)
so,

(I won't ever need to fall again.)

Blog...dying...help.

A few days ago, I did two things that were catastrophic. One, I wrote a YUFFENTINE. *dies* It's been the hardest thing I've written in SUCH a while.

Second, I happily deleted at least 10 of my Honest-to-God LOUSY fanfics from FF.Net. Yes!

And guess what? I'm inspired, by the great LETITIA to write a poem. Yay.

Best Friend

Go away.

--

I'm enclosed in a box,
that's comforting as it's encompassing.
Safe from everything that hurts,
all those lies that you tell me every day.

Where I'm still your best friend.

--

You tell me I'm your best friend.
You think that's enough.
It should be enough.
But it isn't.

I'm selfish,
I want to stay the way we were,
the only one I talk to,
the only one you confide in.

I thought we were best friends.

--

I want you to tell me
the truth.

Tell me,
the good with the bad.
the smiles with their frowns,
the sun and those rainclouds.

Tell me,
the stories I thought silly,
the fairytales,
from its "Once Upon a Time"
to its "Happily Ever After".

The way best friends do.

--

Go back to the time when we were,
just kids,
no expectations,
innocence.

Go back to the time when we were,
able to cry on each other,
able to laugh at each other,
able to laugh with each other.

Go back to the time when we were,
still best friends.

--

I miss that playground,
that swing,
that smile,
that childhood.

I miss that pool,
that swim,
that smell-of-chlorine-that-clogs-your-nose,
that childhood.

I miss that laugh,
I miss that friend,
I miss being the "best",
I miss you.

--

Don't lie to me,
thinking it'll make me happier.
Just let me fall,
so I can find a better way to get up.

That's what best friends do.

--

Go away.

And bring back that best friend
I used to know.

--------------------------------------------

You know you've lost it when your best friend becomes your enemy, your enemy becomes your crush and your crush becomes your best friend.

Thankfully, I haven't lost it yet.

I'm scarred at the moment, so please, give me some time.

Oh my, I guess I really miss my best friend, and the time that it was still possible to have one.

Now I settle for good friends. It's like I've lost all my sanity right? Maybe I have. For tonight.

M/A

You could mean Everything to Me (~ LETI)

but you can't. Hah.

anyways, on with the crazy EMO and PISSY post.

I want to live in America. If I could immigrate RIGHT NOW, I'd go and NEVER look back. Sorry y'all, but the Land of the Free calls.

I'll live in Yosemite National Park and write everyday. The most beautiful place in the world.

Alas, it was not to be. To quote,

"Is this a dream?
If it is
Please don't wake me from this high
I'd become comfortably numb
Until you opened up my eyes"

Not fair when you see how they live so contentedly without anything but the trees, the water and the mountains. Not friggin' fair.

Second thing. I hatehatehatehatehatehatehate FF.Net, even when I lovelovelovelovelovelovelove it. It's confusing.

I wish my stories were better. I wish I wrote better. I wish I could write things people want to read and WANT TO REVIEW. I wish I were Mengde, Pen, Tasha, La.

"It sucks like a vacuum, it sucks like a tornado, it sucks like...something really sucky."

See, I HAVE to quote Pen. Sigh...

Takes a deep breath.

Okay.

I should get off this. WE HAVE TO DO OM LIKE NOW!

M/A