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sing it out loud
So she said what's the problem, baby?.what's the problem, I don't know well maybe, I'm in love love. makes me wanna turn around and face it but I don't know nothin' 'bout love, woah~ |
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about this blog
This blog was opened by Anne Ng to accomodate her mind's silly musings and her daily rantings.Do enjoy your stay here, and don't take what's not yours! tagboard
affiliates
Nanyang.Past VERA! Laura/yabulollygabah Grace Shannon Baboonz.Present Rei's dead Ben's "coolness" Seth's Ego Eugene's Writing Raju.Past Nikki! Heidi Nurul Amanda Christina Princess Renee YiMin Dora RGS.Present Nadia Deepa Alch Charmaine Kimberley Heng Yeng! OMlettes.Forever Leti Ashlynna WINNIE!!! Jiao Odds and Ends KAM TING! Mirabel JTan Victoria(AVPA) Church.Forever Edna Melissa from Catechism CHEESEEEEEE Links to Happier Places the FAV site of FANFIC the official site of HAPLAND archives
credits
Design: doughnutcrazyIcon: morphine_kissed Do credit accordingly if you changed the icon. |
what's perfection made of? To put it very simply, my dear reader of my dastardly blog, it is made of three things joined flawlessly. God. Family. OMlettes. (others make nice side orders though. xD) God, I don't need to explain. Family...well...'tis family. Koala Lou is the best explanation I think. [quote]Soon her mother was too busy she didn't have time to tel Koala Lou she loved her. Although of course she did.[/quote] OMlettes. INCLUDES Miss Chan! So... start from the start. I thank all of you for sPIEcing up my life to my de-LIGHT. We've had many CRACKED moments, when things was FALLING APA-ART and we had to sort through lots of reLACEtionship problems within the group. There was the NAGEREN, there was the DIRTY OM SPACE and Div3Problem3. In short. We so rule. sparkling angel, I believe. I believe that it's out there. And boy oh boy, I'm gonna get it some day. what if the arms that catch you, what if is a fantastic phrase. anyways, bringing to you the awesomeness (or crappiness) that is the product of inspiration, touching stories, and not paying attention in class. [acute lack of title] reduced to hound dogs, content to overtake, to run towards an unknown goal, no rest for the weary caged in walls of fading beige, under the weight of those initials. see with eyes unseeing, hear with ears unhearing, thoughts, words, lump in throat caged in walls of fading beige, under the weight of those initials. forced to listen droning monotone, lazy to join the chorus of rebellious chatter caged in walls of fading beige, under the weight of those initials. between Scylla and Charybdis, parents, teachers, friends, struggle to find peace drowning in the raging seas caged in walls of fading beige, under the weight of those initials. soon, the wait is over, I'll walk out of here, into a bigger, nicer cell, forevermore caged in walls of faded beige, under the weight of those initials. Damn you lah Raffles! Had to land here. catch you by surprise. Tagged on facebook by Leti! 17 facts!! 1. I'm currently being bugged by my beta for my next chapter. Oh piff. 2. I have MSN-pals from all over the world! America, Japan, Britain, Bradford, Hungary... 3. I love my OMlette friends. 4. I love my fanfiction with a slice of fluff and a dollop of angst. 5. I can/do/have written some M rated stuff. But nothing disgusting. All of it was metaphors and stuff. Rachel would like to add here that IT WAS NOT HER FAULT THAT I TURNED OUT LIKE THIS. 6. I have my lapses in faith sometimes. Thankfully not as much as I have in my temper. 7. I love cam-whoring. (BRIGHT GREEN CAMERA!) 8. I'm cynical for a reason. Which I won't tell you. 9. No. No, I do not have a boyfriend/crush. And the "In an Open Relationship" junk over Facebook was with Zi Xin. And Reno. And Leti. And CJ, as she'd like to say. 10. I can't write. I say it now, and I'll say it another million times. I can't. So don't try and convince me. 11. I'm emo a lot on my blog, because it's my dumping ground for crap I don't want to say in person to some people...*shifty eyes* 12. I have a bad habit of spamming tag boards and forum pages. 13. I used to bite my fingernails compulsively. 14. I dance. Yes, yes I do. 15. I like a total of 3 Chinese songs. 16. My favourite movie is still Winnie the Pooh's Most Grand Adventure. 17. My favourite book is still Koala Lou. Still makes me cry. Done! never one to disappoint [Don't read this, just skip this whole part] you were never one for instructions, never wanted to be told what to do, never wanted to feel confined by people telling you what to do. you were old enough to decide for yourself. you (fooled yourself into thinking that you) tried your best on your own. and yes, yes you did. you were never one for criticism. they were attacking you. you were just a kid. and you're amazing already. you're already good enough, they just can't see it in you. to the hell with those people, you hung around only the people who lavished you with compliments, who saw what you saw in yourself, and said so (all the things you wanted to hear, all the things you wanted to know were true). then everything went wrong. when you found out that, to your horror, (even though you knew it inside for such a while) that you couldn't write, couldn't act, couldn't speak, couldn't do anything well. you screamed at yourself, telling yourself you needed to do things better. so you tried, this time reallyreallyreally, as hard as you could. (too little, too late, as they say.) and they're...they're...right. [there. aren't you glad you didn't read that? yes, yes you are.] I'm not happy today. Poof. I haven't gotten much work done, no fanfiction went anywhere, and I'm hopelessly disgruntled at my lousy writing. Moping time starts now. ends now. On the CNY front, I'm happy with the money I got. xD I guess I'll close now. walk the line between idiocy and denial you curse and swear, you lie through your teeth, bite and scrabble, for the purchase of blaming others, (it's all their fault). it was never you, you were the one wronged. they scolded you? their problem. they wouldn't listen, so you can push the blame, neatly, forcefully, into their hands. you cry and become angered by the weakness. you try to pretend, so you can punish their belligerence with your silence. you tell yourself, they'll know when you finally lose it, when they see what their words, their actions made you into, but you can't. you like to think you're good at expressing yourself, that you can do well at the things you've always wanted to be good at. so you can't help but let it all out. you use different methods, write a bit here, a bit there, scribble something somewhere. then you close your eyes, ears, so you don't need to hear if it was good or bad. you give yourself excuses, because everyone else won't. you tell yourself, you're too young, too silly to do anything well for the moment. that you're still much better than everyone else (as long as you compare yourself to the people you know are worse than you), because that's the only way your brain will listen to what your heart wants (so very much) to believe. you were always weak like that, weak in the flesh, weak in the heart, weak in the places you like to think you were strong in. if you didn't do something, you were forced (toostupidcowardlyidioticdumb) to lie. no other way out. there are many things you want to say, but there's a feeling (you won't say it's cowardice. the word leaves a taste too acid to be used) that pushes it all down. (it's all so unfair.) but inside, you know it's justice. you heave a sigh of relief. the anger is spent, over a passage of meaningless words and phrases. now that you look at it, it's quite foolish. now, you don't want anyone to read this at all. so it's blacked out. I'm not alone We're all ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY! (that DID sound trigger happy) CNY's fantastic, except for the fact that THERE IS SO MUCH HOMEWORK! **** you teachers! Today was vaguely interesting. Played Wii with the sister, and ate WAY too much for comfort. Now I settle myself down for some good ol' homework. It's SO good to be home for the New Year. There's nothing but homework in the near future, with, perhaps, a side of fanfiction and music, upsize the judging, and yes, yes I will make that a full meal. Wait. I'd like some MSN chats a la carte. Thanks, serve it a bit later? Yeah. I'll take a number. Thanks so much. disgustingly myself. I shall resolve to hate myself. Dear Brother, your last letter made me think you were here. I've finally graduated, brother, not a kid anymore. too bad, you missed the photo-taking. gram left us last week, cancer, you know? I stood comforting ma that day, my duty now, I guess. dad and I sit alone at dinner, mum doesn't have the heart to eat, talking's a burden now, so we don't. doing the dishes, I can still hear you, grumbles I used to hate, grumbles I still remember. the bedroom's all mine now, stretching over two beds, I bury my head in the pillows, searching for a long-lost memory. I saw Jean today, she's looking fine, she doesn't say it, but she misses you. things are bleak, gray skies, so quiet, I can almost hear the guns. Stop the War in Iraq. floating far away. Pick 5 Girls: 1. Winnie. Got it from her! 2. Leti 3. Jiao 4. Ash 5. ehhh...Rei! Pick 5 Guys: (Shall take first three from Winnie. PLAGIARISM! Miss Lee would be furious.) 6. Seth 7. Eugene 8. Wern 9. Gabor. Just because. 10. Nathaniel? Tell us something unique about each of them? 1. We had fun/no fun ignoring each other for three hours. 2. Random impromptu dancer 3. Reminds me of...ME (strange I know. C'mon, who else can I get who'll go, "RENOOOOOOOOOOO!" or "WOOOOOOFUS!" or horror of horrors "KADDDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAJJJJJJJJ!") 4. Ash likes rhymey things. 5. Great for comfort. Don't go near when she is PMS-ing. xD 6. Better not be someone's crush 7. Better be someone's crush. 8. Rugger. Likes things like Bleach. The anime. But he may like the cleaning agent too... 9. Lives in Hungary. Debates are all that we do on MSN. 10. Has had the SAME DP for the last eon. What would you do if No.2 (Leti) came to you and told you she was pregnant and no.9(Gabor) was the father? I'd say: What. The. Friggin'. Hell. But she wouldn't. Because he lives in Hungary. ............... I hope not. Is no.1 (Winnie) your best friend? Pretty much. xD What is no.6 (seth) to you? Ego freak that better not be SOMEONE's crush. Have you ever thought about having sex with any of them? Nope. Leti and I have decided that we are "asexual/non-sexual" aka. we won't like anyone that much to do that. Would you ever kiss any of them? Nah. Why would I? If you could pick one girl and one guy to go on vacation with, who do you choose? (Comments on Winnie's answer: Sounds like an evil plot to me! Count me in on that one.) Winnie and Wern. The Double-U gang. Which guy and girl do you think you can trust the most? (Comments on Winnie's answer: Why thank you dear.) Winnie and Eugene. (that sounded like a pairing!) What would you do if No.3 (Leti) & No.10 (Nat) hooked up? Leti and...NAT?!?!?! He wouldn't be able to pronounce her name! If no.1 (leti) was in jail, where would you be? Next to her. "Why the hell would we know that that superdamncoolhawt avatar of Kadaj was copyrighted?!" Have any of them seen you cry? Eh...Rei has. Over MSN. xD Are any of them dating each other? Better not be. Especially not ______ and _______ (fill in the blanks yourself.) Are any of them family? NoperdeeNoperdeeNope. But [quote] all one BIG family in Christ! [/quote] If you were able to choose a guy and a girl to marry each other, who would it be? Now now. That wouldn't be very nice to say... Oh heck. Ash and Eugene. Hands down. What would you do if No.8 (wern) cheated on his partner? Slap him and go and comfort the girl. Or the boy. But it better be a girl. Who do you think you couldn’t live without? All the girls. Winnie - 'cause she's the heart, soul and life of the party. Leti - C'mon, who's gonna keep me company when I go all fangirly? (it rhymed!) Jiao - Inspiration to keep dancing. And OM-ing. Ash - Inspiration for random rhymes and fits of literature quoting. Rei - Strength, Loyalty and a good sense of when to "attitude-problem" someone. Who could you live without? No one. They made my life different. And I thank them. Have you ever committed a crime with any of them? I ate in class! Next to a Prefect some more! (Winnie and I are PARTNERS IN CRIME! RAWR!) Would you rather wake up next to No.4 (Ash) or No.10 (Nat) ? Ash. At Rei's sleepover. I'm asexual, remember? Who is No.6 (seth) dating? Better NOT be someone............... Who is No.2 (Leti) dating? Fatboy! Nah. How should I know? Do you think No.7 (eugene) smells good? WTH. Is there anything you want to tell No.5 (Rei) ? xD Thanks dear. If No.1 (Winnie) lied to you what would you do? Let it go. Not perfect yo. Who have you known the longest? Ash. Six years, yo. Who have you known the shortest? Jiao. xD Out of the girls who is the: Tallest: WINNIE! 2 60 thousand metres! Jiao...(poof) Shortest: coughAshcough. Prettiest: Leti and Rei. xDD They're gonna kill me round about now. Most talkative: Jiao. Most athletic: Eh...Winnie? Outgoing: Shameless OMlettes and Rei. Rei could be a whole new species on her own! Shyest: Leti, when she doesn't know you. Or Winnie. Smartest: Ash. Jiao. Leti. Blondest: Leti would like to assert that she is. Oldest: Ash, Jiao, Rei, Winnie, Leti. Youngest: Leti. Most likely to be pregnant in the next year: Bad thoughts. BAD THOUGHTS! Funniest: All of them. Out of the guys, who is the: Tallest: Eugene (?!?!?) Shortest: Seth. 'cause I want to bruise his ego. xD Hottest: WTH? Most talkative: -shrugs- Most Athletic: Wern. By a mile. Outgoing: I'd say Seth. Shyest: Wern? Smartest: Gabor Blondest: shrugs Oldest: Gabor Youngest: By brain size, Seth. xD Most likely to get a girl pregnant in the next year: Seth. Funniest: Eugene and his lameness. Random quiz is random. and I can't see you fooooooooooooooooools! Too much has been going on for the last few days. My temper is exceptionally lousy now, but I know it's not PMS-ing. It's not. Pied, Marilena AND Lady Valtaya have thrown in their chips and left Genesis Awards. Which leaves a gaping hole in it. Poof. Now, Lynn has too. Crap. WTH will we do? I'm terribly sorry to everyone who's been at the receiving end of my temper. It's not because CNY is coming that I'm saying this. But in the few days of terror, leaving and loneliness, I've realised that I lost too many people because my anger, raging and pride got in the way. Sorry y'all. doesn't matter what I do. holding my hand, we make it through the heavy fog It isn't the same in English as in Chinese... I love that song. My new enemy, LINUX. DIE NAO! My computer's a Linux (I know what you're thinking. what the heck is that?!) I've had a great day today. Winnie's so nice now. xD Sometimes, fights are in order. They help you remember why you love your friends, and why you'll want them back when you fight. Leti's pissed at me for badmouthing WOOFUS. Ohwellz. Miss Chan gave HUGE hints. Miao was emo and sad 'cos she couldn't hellp us anymore. Ash-kun is pro. Michelle was the star of our discussion. Mandy Choo was there with her "WHAT?!" face all the time. And Jiao was there for comic relief. The complete cast of "How to Screw your OM script and still get into World Finals". (The first clause has already been fulfilled. The second better be too.) you told me to look in the dark for hope. You were right. playing God God made the heavens and the earth, beautiful, sanctified, blessed, then God made creatures flying, prowling, crawling, walking. the human being, created in God's image, his finest creation, his new world's destroyer. his judgment made them rulers over all, betrayed, with a single sin, God turned his face away. Freewill was our privilege, our downfall, Man was not content, playing second fiddle. Man made, Man obliterated, Man killed, Man wept. God looked on, as Man made new that which was old, as Man rewrought the world, as was Man's choice to. Yet God loved Man, as one loves a first-born, Man deviant, God forgiving. because it's just a dream I wonder. what makes one person consider you a "friend"? what is the definition of "friend"? do friends only count if they don't fight? or are the ones you argue with the best type of friends? I don't really know now. All the people I called friends now aren't, or border on aren't. I don't know! Dang. I wish. I wish. I wish. Why does everything have to be so difficult? Why? I wish, no correction, I wished that I could find everything out. Find out why friends stay next to my heart, but I still let them step all over me, and still continue being myself and taking it out on my family. I thought I picked the better party. I thought friends were worth it. damn. I'm crying. See lah Winnie. I thought. I thought. I thought...I thought you weren't like other girls. Not like me. I thought I was smarter than that. Want to get pissy on me? Fine. Just be heartened around now. You made me cry. Laugh your ass off. I thought I knew who my friends were. when I open up my eyes, I will lose you. what sucks? everything. Nownownow...poem. Hmm...Poem. I shall try to "do a Rei" persay. AKA. write a emo little poem about LOVE. Blargh. But then again, it's more like "do a 2008 Anne" write a emo LONG ASS poem about LOVE that sucks. What a friggin' LOAD better... Maybe...maybe a drabble's more in order. -- I don't believe in Love I don't believe in it. Period. Nature has its own silly ways of making us procreate so we can happily fill the planet so we can destroy it just as ignorantly. Humans should just die off, and yes. Yes. That means me too. Something that's glorified in art and poetry and prose and all the rest of that...Maybe it's jealousy on my part. I'm cynical by nature, and violent to boot. No one's ever going to like me. I've accustomed myself to that fact. But I can say this, for myself and by myself. I don't dislike Love just because I won't ever get the chance to feel it. I dislike it because it makes people do things that are, let's face it, stupid. I can take the kissing, the having-someone-by-your-side-who-TOTALLY-understands-you, oh yeah, I get all that. Marriage is a fine ideal. So is growing old and dying together. That's sweet. What I don't get is how people feel so strongly about the LACK of love. Dude. You're looking at a girl who still hangs onto Pooh Bear at night, plays pretend with her sister, is flat-chested as anything, beats boys up and laughs, swears sometimes, yells, and is generally unpleasant to deal with. (And if you're my friend, you know this more than ever.) Do you think she has LOVE? No. No romance for a mile. Gawds. I feel bad sometimes that I don't/won't have the chance to see how it feels like. But generally, I don't mind. Doesn't really matter. I have my mum, my dad, my sister, grandparents, aunts/uncles/cousins, friends AND Odyssey of the Mind. My life's full. Sorry y'all. I don't believe in Love. Period. the sadness settles like fog, just won't let up. Friends I wish. introductions always wanted to feel wanted, -she's popular, you're not- now you are. the start, wave, "Hi", passes -finding footholds firm enough- CCA, how's OM treating you, bye. rising rapidly, little pieces of gossip, -nasty? maybe- about other girls, laughs. middle, climax, giggles, small comments, -not too loud though- trying to impress falling down, apart, out. -sobs and loud voices ring- magnetic forces die after a while. quieten down, apologize -was it even my fault?- repair it bit by bit. laugh a little, pretend a little -that's what friends are for- is it for real? Sigh. That sucked. you caught me off guard Happy post ahoy. I wish everyone could feel the joy that is God's love. I woke up today with a horrid dream, and I was so shaken I just lay in bed and stared frenziedly at the ceiling. Then I went to get a bible from the shelf, which is what I sometimes do after nightmares. I read my favourite verse (1st Corinthians 1:25 to 28) and there was this feeling of calm that settled over me. It was nice. Then there was church, which was usual, not bad. Fr. Yim's sermon was really funny and I didn't go to sleep. Then Kitty's party, which consisted of loads of photos, bowling straight into the drain and trashing the other group during our bowling session. Well, Sunday's always been my lucky day. (happy now Eugene?) now I'm running and screaming. inspiration dawns in the darkest of times. The misery of Zack and Aerith's relationship hit home yesterday when I banged out a drabble/oneshot of angst and longing. I tried to, at least. It makes me pretty sad everytime I write/read one of those. Must be something to do with "that queer feeling" that me and Leti call the EMO feeling. I just keep writing, trying to write something happy for them, but I can't ever do that. So confusing. Stupid Love. Ah yes. I was commissioned by Eugene not to write a EMO POST persay. Which means I write about...? Hmm... happiness is a choice. when you're waiting for hours for parents to pick you up, and you're the last sorry person waiting with an impatient security guard, (but you don't call them, even if you're so veryveryvery hungry. Because they're your parents and they'll come, sooner or later.) when you're finding that everything that you thought beautiful and perfect becomes horrid and wrong each time you see it, and you're so veryveryvery angry with yourself, (still, you don't do anything but improve it. You know you won't ever be happy with your work, but you can always fool yourself by working on it more.) when you're with a gazillion Sec 1s who look lost, bratty and unbelievably conscious of their dressing, and you're itching sososo bad to go and unbutton that top button of that girl in front of you, (instead, you just smile at them and ask how you can help.) when you're sitting at the meeting table, wondering how you're going to pull off a lousy Spontaneous answer, or how you're going to contribute when everyone else has already said everything, and you want to be good, you WANT to contribute, because you want to feel a part of the group, (then someone (it doesn't matter who.) smiles at you, or you share a long laugh, and you know it doesn't really matter at all.) when you're telling a story to cousins who understand planes, jets, rockets and killing machines, but don't understand about princesses, princes, and how you can dream of happy endings, (but then again, you know that not every story's ever going to have a happy ending, and you try to make the best of the story, even though you get little niggling voices that protest.) when you don't know how you really feel towards some people, you can be friends, yet feel like you're constantly trying to change yourself to please them, (then you get a MSN chat pop-up that tells you that they gave you a Reno picture as a present, even when it's not your birthday yet.) when you don't talk to your best friends anymore, and spend your time trying to impress your new ones, (you can only try to forget that they're doing the same.) and I want to choose it someday. things can go from bad to worse, and there's no coming back. There comes a point, when you can no longer take it, and all that blackness coiled in that place near your left lung, that thing called your heart, all explodes into a blinding miasma of hatred. That, my dears, THAT tells you that everything's just gonna be horrid from then on. Go on. Tell me I'm stupid. Tell me I'm lousy, tell me I'm poking fingers at EVERYONE else. It does NOT help, not ONE BIT, that I'm tired, out-of-sorts, and pissed at the world. This keyboard shall be the victim of my anger-venting. But this will be blackened, so the world can choose what they want to see, and what they don't. I hate you. I friggin' HATE you. You get to talk to MY friends, the ones who aren't as bad as you, speak about how TERRIBLE I am, say how CRUDE and FREAK-LIKE I can be, everything. And HOLY SHMOLEY, you're SO much more influential than I am. Brilliant. And you get to go "Anne..." in that HORRIFYINGLY irritating voice, and tell ME how to deal with MY friends. You have no idea how hard I try for my friends. Who's the bloody person who does notes for her friends? Who's the person whose taken notes for YOU? Who's the person that finds her friends drifting away because of YOU? I think that would be me. So go on, have a happy little life with your FRIENDS, and your BUDDIES, and your whole POSSE of people. I'm not going to try anymore. Don't blame me. I've tried my best to like you. There's a line, and you just crossed it. Now, I just hate you. when all things fade away What happened today? I dragged myself to school and got RIDICULED by a STUPID CHINESE TEACHER who strikes me as downright weird. Chen Lao Shi: (translated to English) What's your GPA? Me: ...2.4? Chen Lao Shi: WAAAAA ZHE ME CHA ARH?!?!?! Sigh...I've long resigned myself to my dismal Chinese fate. Evil teacher. There was Physics, which makes me sad, 'cause the class likes to bully poor Mr Yap, but he tries very hard. I listened! I say hi to him when he comes out of the Staffroom! Then there was...lots of other things. Little conflicts with...people. And I no like talk about such things. As sure as that is terrible grammar that would put a hell of a lot of grammar-criminals to shame. But there was the saving grace of English and Literature. If that wasn't heaven, those two hours of pure and true appreciation for English are as close as I'll ever get. Miss Lee really rules. Owns. The passage for today's compre (Gawd, I'm pretty darned desperate if I think Comprehension is amazing) was so true. So amazing. So heart-wrenchingly sad. Poor people have it bad. Sniff. Then there was OM. Saving grace of the day after English. I love my OM group. That means, Leti, Winnie, Ash, Jiao, Michelle Ng, Mandy Choo, and MISS CHAN! I went home with MANDY CHOO and MICHELLE NG on 132 afterwards. Had fun with cool gummy strings that we mixed with seaweed rings. happyhappyhappyiamhappyhappyhappy Saying it enough might make me believe it. things I'll never understand Love. Gawds, it's always about LOVE. Sigh. People tell me it's all WRONG to say you love your FRIENDS. Wrong wrong wrong. It sounds wrong, it IS wrong, why? You can say you love a guy even when you know you don't, you can say you love your pets even though they scratch up your couch or drool on your lap or stink up your kitchen, but you can't love your friends. I just found myself a friend. Some German (?) guy said that Love is simply Nature tricking us into procreating. I second this fully. But then again, I second that ROMANTIC (heterosexual) LOVE is that way. But Friendship, 'tis Love. Familial Bonds, 'tis Love too. Complicated, but I like it that way. OM rocks my socks, but skiing's the one that freezes my toes. if life were a fanfiction Everyone would be subjected to my god-awful writing! Yay! But then again, if life were anything BUT life, we'd actually have much more fun and much less boring monotony that paints our days of gray. Imagine days where we'd steal some ancient treasure, kill some bad guys, rid the world of mayhem and save it from peril and in the process, get some makeovers done. Sounds pretty darned good yes? if life were an OM script Everyone would be subjected to my god-awful writing! AGAIN! True, life would be really corny, funny and pure CRACK. We'd all be nutcases with mental problems and bipolar-ism (what the hell is the noun for this??) and a nice big helping of SINGING and LAME JOKES. Anyhoo. all I wanted was your love but then again, sometimes the poorest pauper can have what the richest man cannot. Love is very stupid. It makes you do stupid things, like lash out at your friends, do things you normally wouldn't do, and jump off buildings. No one in their right mind should love. but humans are stupid too. They bomb each other because they want to piss each other off. They happily forget loved ones, but still make a great deal out of crying at funerals. They can gladly step on everyone else to get higher in the social ladder. They stab people in the back because they lack the courage to shoot people face to face. Love + humans = Ultimate stupidity. Oh whoopee. No WONDER we're such a stupid race. sea water is salty true isn't it? life is a pain. Anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to sell you something. Yesh, yesh they are. Geog notes are boring How true is THAT? Anne is proud to self-deprecate. xD Obvious Madness, OM 1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Saint Anne! 2. THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? When our OM fell apa-art! 3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Nope 4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT? Bacon 5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Noooooooooooooooooo 6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Nope 7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Yep 8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? What? How the hell would I know? 9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Yep. 10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Yuck. Cereal... 11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? No, saves time! 12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Noooooooooo 13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Haagen Daz Macadamia Nut Ice Cream! 14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? How they speak English. 15. RED OR PINK? RED, duhhhhhhhh. 16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF? I'm shhhhtttttttooooooooopppppppppppid 17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My mummy! I don't see her anymore (Ash's answer: SETH! O.O, ash....) 18. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Wearing a dress and no shoes. Lewzer. 19. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Ball Cakes! Xiao Man Tou! munchingnoises 20. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? When She Loved Me - Sarah Mclachlen 21. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Orange through and through 22. FAVORITE SMELLS? Mummy's cooking! xD Mum so rulez (coughmorethantheOMlettescough) 23. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Huijun, down with the feeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvveeeeeeeeerrrrrr 24. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Ehh...stolen. But I love Ashlynna! xD Sweet girly. 25. WHO DO YOU HATE? Ahemyoudon'tknowherahem. 26. HAIR COLOR? I'm adamant that it's brown. 27. EYE COLOR? I'm adamant that it's brown. 28. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Sometimes... 29. FAVORITE FOOD? Pig Organ Soup OMNOMNOM! 30. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Scary. No one, not even in movies, deserves a happy ending. 31. LAST MOVIE YOU WENT TO SEE? Yes Man! (in AMERICA xD) 32. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Dress. Grey. 33. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer 34. HUGS OR KISSES? Huggles! The OMlettes rule for hugs. 35. FAVORITE DESSERT? The bestest bestest one? Nothing! Lose weight! 36. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? TKMB the BOOK. For the...Idunnohowmany-eth time. 37. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? No mouse pad. 38. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT? TOMB RAIDER (which has NO plot) 39. FAVORITE SOUND? Mum cooking. (how do you tell that I'm superduper hungry?) 40. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles through and through. 41. WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? America! 42. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Nope. 43. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Singapore. xP Yay for quizzes. THE OM SKWIPT IS DONE! YESYESYES! EGGxhausted when things suck, they suck. I wish things could look up sometimes. Makes me feel happier. I love my sister! <333 Yay! (except when she does better and makes me feel all low down and miserable). I love my Grandmother! <333 She helped me in my Du Hou Gan that would have killed me otherwise. And she's so POWERFUL (that's it! Scream it like the three!). Anyways. When things suck, they suck. Big time. I can cry at the way I can hold onto rigid patterns because I can't seem to go spontaneous. Stupid stupid stupid. I keep barreling forward, so scared to see the next thing that will make me feel utterly inadequate, too afraid to find out that I'm not the best, not even in the things I want (how I want) to be good in. Life's like a game of blackjack. You have the choice of whether to take what Life will give you, but you can't determine what is gives you. If only I could feel satisfied. But I'm condemned to be the ever-wanting human, mortal, that I am. Stupid life. I'm pissed with you. self-deprecation is a nicer way to say I'm being an ass. I bet all my friends can boast of hearing some very emo, angsty, random things I can spout. I'm such a loser. when I go mad, I want you there to help me back to sanity. Friendship to me is just like that. You can never expect much from friends, but this is always a nice ideal to work towards... Friends are never here to talk to all of a sudden. Like the world just ended, and we just didn't know it. When trying your best isn't anywhere near enough. Leti and I are becoming better friends every day... I need nicer titles... Sometimes, when it''s only you pulling the strings to keep everything going, when everything ends up on your plate to do, when you find all that glittery nice badges that you can pin on, all those ohsowanted commitments, are simply more weight, you get this feeling, "a queer ache" to quote Anne of Green Gables, and you just know that your best can sometimes not be enough. It's the same when you're talking, all happy and chipper, as if your life could lighten for a bit, and then "the deep but dazzling darkness", to quote A Ring of Endless Light, overtakes you with its velvet embrace and you're swallowed into this pit where, you know, none of your family or friends can pull you out. You've got to crawl out yourself, or, as they say, "lose yourself in the process". But losing yourself allows a fresh start. You can change your life by wiping it clean to start over. Okay! In the style of the GREAT LETI, I shall post multiple times. Next one... changing wavelengths... That glove fits just wrong. Gawds. Reno. He makes me feel happy again. For a bit. In relation to my last post, I don't particularly hate my friends for doing that. In fact, it's oddly nice to be helpful. Better than being unpopular. And my Sec 1s love me! But then again, I have to force myself to stay happy. Someone needs to, so I shall try to live up to my enthu potential, like telling all the lame jokes I know, learning all their names (amanda, melissa (ah lian!), pearlyn, michelle (short girl), LIANA!!!!), teaching them cheers. Anne: Must be enthu! And then, OM! Gawds...where to start first? Thanks MIAO! Miao, world. World, Miao. The greatest person that ever lived. Who would come up with Spons like "How you'd scoop water out of a pond?" or "Types of pie"? HER! Thanks ASH! The soul provider of ANTI-DIGRESSION in our group! Without Mandy, you're our only hope at a semblance of on-task-ness. Thanks LETI! The unique blend of FF7, shouts of "RENOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" and "HAAAAA-LEEEEEEEE-LUUUUUUUUUU-JAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!", not to mention some hefty dashes of nutty bipolar behavioral traits that make her just like me. I've met the GIRL of my dreams. Cue Avenue Q: But I'm not gay! Thanks WINNIE! The amazingness of talking with someone, both of you TRYING YOUR UTMOST to self-deprecate, is just awesome. Thanks JIAO! The dancing? Very cool. The Spon? Very silly. The girl? Awesomeness yo. Thanks MICHELLE! Gawds, you were WONDERFUL today! The ideas just KEPT COMING. Wonder of OM yes? Thanks AMANDA! You weren't here today, we missed your enlightening presence. Come next time yes? Thanks HUIFEI! We were too busy chatting to take those pictures of all the Sec 1s high-jumping. Oh well. Huffpuff. Thanking ends. changing wavelengths... If it doesn't fit, you can try to force it, but it never works. When things don't go your way, don't try to make them do so. It's just a waste of time. If your friends like guys you happen to DISlike, heck. Their choice. When you joke, bring up stupid things like "Can I give you DIS PEAR?" Always works. Also "What's brown and sticky?" works pretty well too. Keep smiling, even if it's fake. Life's all about acting. Life is a stage (?) and we are merely players. Okay. Done. Phew. (Tag?) I've had this horrific discovery. Not again, right? But the thing is, I've discovered that friendship is, like love, overrated. Your friends love you? Will die for you? Yeah, right. They're just around long enough to get what they want because, face it, the world is kiasu, kiasi and just wants the best to themselves. <----- Period. I do try for my friends, take notes during lessons, drag my sorry ass up so I can listen to some Geography teacher so I can tell my friend what she said cos my friends happily SLEEP during lesson time. Oh whoopee! Everyone, let's take advantage of Anne now! Take today for example. I can say hi to my DEAR BEST FRIEND Zi Xin, and she hardly says anything. Wait, I'm sorry. She didn't even SEE me. Oh Yay. The only person I can trust with friendship, truly, is Melissa Tham Seen Mun. I've seen what friends do to each other to "get back" at each other. That they're prepared to drop everything in friendship to do something utterly underhanded, it's despicable. Anyone support me making a Facebook Group called "I hate Seth Chan"? Aru does. xD So, it's final then. I'm changing CCA. I've decided, for myself, that I can't take Judo anymore. My stature makes it easy to be thrown and hard to throw, as well as my weakling-status makes it very difficult for me to do anything vaguely Judo-ish. The RaJukas may decide to kill me, but I can't. No more. Girls' Brigade was my first and only choice. Friends was one thing. But God was the biggest reason. I want to further my relationship with God. I don't want him as just a God, I want him as a friend. I want to talk to him when there's no one else, and I want to have the faith to know he's next to me, letting me take my haywire life in circles, but trying to steer me into the "straight and narrow" path. I'm so scared that I have to go back to Judo for more trainings if I didn't fulfill the quota for it. I may have "ponned" sessions, but for most part, it was really because I couldn't make it. With OM for the month of November, preparations for my trip, and me needing to help out around the house, I didn't go, and then there was December with my trip. So God help me, I couldn't do anything else. I love you Rajukas, veryveryvery much. But I've never been a real Judoka that you guys can be proud of. I will go back and support you in every competition, regardless of OM (unless it's the Finals for OM, but prob not) or anything else. Promise. Gawd, my seniors should hate me now, rightly so. I shall go and emo in a corner. "Far Away" This time, This place Misused, Mistakes Too long, Too late Who was I to make you wait Just one chance Just one breath Just in case there's just one left 'Cause you know, you know, you know [CHORUS] That I love you I have loved you all along And I miss you Been far away for far too long I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore On my knees, I'll ask Last chance for one last dance 'Cause with you, I'd withstand All of hell to hold your hand I'd give it all I'd give for us Give anything but I won't give up 'Cause you know, you know, you know [CHORUS] So far away Been far away for far too long So far away Been far away for far too long But you know, you know, you know I wanted I wanted you to stay 'Cause I needed I need to hear you say That I love you I have loved you all along And I forgive you For being away for far too long So keep breathing 'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore Believe it Hold on to me and, never let me go Keep breathing 'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore Believe it Hold on to me and, never let me go Keep breathing Hold on to me and, never let me go Keep breathing Hold on to me and, never let me go The best song in YEARS. It's so nice. And the MV is an EPIC WIN, persay. Oh but, thank the Leti, I've found another beaut song. EVERYTHING'S FALLING APPPAAA-ART! Win. And Avenue Q, always, rules. OM's FALLING APA-ART! It's whooping my ass. **** you! Anne Fools You let yourself believe all the lies that he painted for you. That he really loved you, that he really cared, kind of sad, isn't it? I tried to tell you, I told you it was too good to be true, you never listened to me. But, I keep in the "I told you"s and the "Should have known better"s and I take you in, as a best friend should, soothing you, cursing him to hear your wet laughter, because I don't know what else to do. instead of with him, you're stuck with me tonight. I stay awake, hugging you close, listening to the sobs, feeling the pangs of sympathy, jealousy. we're both fools in love, I more than you, you let yourself love, I couldn't even do that too scared to be hurt. you've lost your faith in fairytales, as have I. A/N: Kinda silly, now that I think about it. Oh heck. Commonwealth Essay
In introspect,beauty is in the eye of the beholder. welcoming me back, only the blue, forever the blue. rain falling the sky maiden's tears, are they for me? each step towards the blue, chains broken, so light. the coolness around my ankles, and then encasing legs completely, and then my chest in a lover's embrace. Blue-indigo-black, glowing moving flowing the clear that swallows you whole, possessing you completely. the sea carries lifts supports me, the tranquil waters flow around me, inside me. God gave me my set of wings early, now, freedom's so close, I can feel it. (inspired by THE GREAT LETI'S awesome CW essay, "The Sea") 1. My friends are strange 2. I am listening to Nickelback. 3. Maybe i should learn to not think I can write. 4. I love fanfiction. 5. My plan is to go to Yale! (nah...) 6. I don't understand life and love. 7. I lost my sanity a long time ago. 8. People say I'm pretty okay at writing, but heck what they say. I'm not, yo. 9. I am missing America. Immigrate NOW. 10. Love is OVERRATED! 11. Somewhere over the rainbow, I'll find something red and ponytail-like attached to a fictional game character. Whom I will immediately glomp. 12. I am always searching for better writing examples. 13. Forever is a very long time, Pooh. 14. I never want to love. 15. My mobile phone is scratched. 16. When I wake up I start to worry about the day. 17. I get annoyed all the time. 18. Parties stands = Bad grammar = Written by Eugene 19. Hugs or kisses? Hugs. 20. Today is gone far far away. 21. Tomorrow is to worry about. 22. I really want to scream. 23. I love no one but my family and friends. 24. What is your phone brand? sony ericsson 25. What is the last 3 digits in your phone number? 963. Yeah. 26. What does the 2nd message inyour inbox say? That my mum bought me ang ku kueh and poong kueh for lunch! 27. Who was the last person you rang? THAT person. 28. Who was the last missed call from? My phone doesn't have caller ID. Ack. 29. What does the oldest msg in your inbox say? That it's no prooblem and that Eugene wants me to continue to write in some RGS book and tell him what happens in the story. 30. Who comes after J? K, dumbass. 31. Go to your sent messages- What does the tenth message say? You too dear! 32. Who is your network provider? shrugs. 33. How many messages are there in your inbox? Quite a few. 34. Who do you have on speed dail 3? Dad...I think. 35. If you are on prepaid card, how much credit do you have? I have my own SIM! No prepaid! xDD Stolen from winnie with thanks. New blogskin. Same old me.
I know New Year's supposed to start off with a bang, persay. But now, all I can think about is last year, that I'm still in last year.There were many things in 2008. Cyclones, politics, black men beating republicans and a very disgruntled woman, and most of all economies crashing terribly. For me, there were so many things. Judo happened to me. So did new friends, poetry and failing Chinese. There was writing. There was the rise of the grammar Nazi. There was Genesis Awards. There was Mad the Badass. There was Rachel and there was Gabor. I'm in OM. That's everything good. Poetry used to be everything for me. Now it's not. It's fanfiction. That's changed. I've lost one cowriter, but I guess I don't mind. I'm getting braces. I'm in OM. Everything bad. Everything's SPIRALING OUT OF CONTROL. (see it? See the OM injected in it!) Anyways, onto the poetry. Yay me. Embrace it. the new year has come, many things aren't the same, embrace it. changes are everywhere, as is the reluctance to change, embrace it. death might come, but so will life, embrace it. ends will come, as beginnings will too, embrace it. friends will come, and friends will go, embrace it. new will come, and old will go, embrace it. --- Finally got off my ass and did my Commonwealth essay. FINALLY done. Thanks to Rachel the beta and Eugene the Nazi, the essay is proud to be read worthy! |